Staying safe

Looking after yourselves is part of enjoying the lifestyle with confidence. Safety covers your health, your privacy and your personal security, and a few sensible habits go a long way.

Sexual health and testing

Regular sexual health checks are a normal, responsible part of the lifestyle, and many people in the community treat them as routine. Testing is free and confidential through NHS sexual health services across the UK, and many services also offer home testing kits. You can find your nearest service and information about testing on the NHS sexual health services page.

• Get tested regularly and between new partners. Ask your clinic how often is right for you.
• Use protection. Many venues provide it, but carry your own as well.
• Talk openly about sexual health with anyone you meet. It is a sign of respect, not mistrust.
• If you have any symptoms or concerns, pause and get checked before meeting anyone.

Clinics are discreet, non-judgemental and used to supporting people in all kinds of relationships. There is no need to feel embarrassed.

Protecting your privacy

Discretion protects everyone, including you.

• Use a separate email address and nickname for lifestyle websites and communities.
• Think carefully before sharing photos. If you do, avoid showing your face, tattoos, your home, your car or anything that could identify you or your location.
• Check the privacy settings on any apps or websites you use, and turn off location sharing.
• Do not share your surname, workplace or address until you have built genuine trust, and perhaps not even then.
• Remember that anything shared online can be copied.

Meeting people for the first time

If you are meeting another couple or person you have talked to online, treat it as you would any first date.

• Meet in a busy public place such as a bar or restaurant, with no expectations beyond a drink.
• Arrange your own transport and keep control of when you leave.
• Tell a trusted friend where you are going, if you can, or share your location with them for the evening.
• Keep an eye on your drink and never leave it unattended.
• Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, leave. You do not need to explain.

A video call before meeting can help confirm that people are who they say they are.

Red flags

Most people in the lifestyle are respectful and genuine. Even so, be wary of anyone who:

• Pushes against your boundaries, or treats a no as the start of a negotiation.
• Pressures you to meet quickly, privately or somewhere unfamiliar.
• Refuses to talk about sexual health or dismisses protection.
• Asks for money, gifts or personal financial details.
• Has a story that keeps changing, or will not do a simple video call.
• Suggests one partner attends without the other knowing.
• Asks for private photos early on, or threatens to share anything.

If anyone threatens to share private images of you, this is a crime in the UK. Keep any evidence and report it to the police. Support is also available from the Revenge Porn Helpline.

At venues

Choose venues with clear house rules and visible staff. Know where the exits are, keep valuables in a locker, pace your drinking and agree with your partner how you will check in with each other. If anything worries you, speak to the staff straight away.

Looking after your wellbeing

Safety is emotional as well as physical. Keep talking to your partner, notice how you both feel after each experience and take a break whenever you need one. The lifestyle should add to your life, never cause you worry.

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