Single men and single women

The lifestyle is often described in terms of couples, but single people are very much part of it. Single women and single men both attend clubs, parties and socials, and many couples actively enjoy meeting them. Understanding how singles fit in, and why some events have restrictions, will help you have a better experience whichever you are.

Single women

Single women are warmly welcomed at most venues, and entry is often reduced or free. That welcome comes with the same expectations as anyone else: respect for boundaries, discretion and consent. Single women should never feel obliged to do anything because of a reduced entry price or because they are in demand.

For a first visit, many single women find it helpful to go to a social, a ladies' night or a venue with a strong reputation for looking after its guests. Some bring a trusted friend. Let staff know it is your first visit and they will usually make sure you feel at ease. You are entirely in control of your evening.

Single men

Single men are welcome at many venues and events, but often on specific nights, with limited places or by booking in advance. This is not personal. Venues aim to keep a balance that keeps couples and single women comfortable, and that balance is what keeps the scene thriving for everyone.

Single men who do well in the lifestyle tend to share a few qualities:

• Patience. They expect the evening to be about conversation and atmosphere, and accept that many nights will be entirely social.
• Respect. They take no for an answer immediately and gracefully, and never approach a couple's private space uninvited.
• Presentation. They follow the dress code and make an effort with their appearance.
• Good manners. They speak to both halves of a couple, not just one, and remember that a couple's yes needs both partners.
• Discretion. They never take photos, share names or talk about who they have met.

Check each venue's policy before you travel. Many publish which nights are open to single men, whether you need to book, and any membership or age requirements. Rooms or areas reserved for couples are off limits to singles, even by invitation, at many venues.

Guidance for couples meeting singles

If you are a couple interested in meeting a single person, the same principles apply in reverse. Be clear and honest about what you are looking for, agree your boundaries together beforehand and make sure both of you are genuinely comfortable. Treat a single guest with the same respect and care you would want for yourselves.

Singles and couples nights

You will often see events labelled couples only, couples and single women, or open to all. These labels exist to help everyone find the right environment. Couples only nights can be ideal for newer couples who want a gentle start, while mixed nights tend to be livelier. Respect the label on the night and you will always be welcome back.

Online communities

Many singles find their way into the lifestyle through online communities. Use a separate email and nickname, be honest in your profile and follow the same safety advice you would for any online meeting. Our guide to staying safe covers this in more detail.

The common thread

Whether single or in a couple, the people who thrive in the lifestyle are those who make others feel safe and respected. Be kind, be patient and be discreet, and you will find a welcoming community.

Next: Frequently asked questions